well I am back sort of
I guess I am finding a lot of stuff quite hard at the moment I know what I am doing wrong but cant seem to stop myself spiraling my thoughts are not clear
its taking me a long time to climb back up just when I feel i am making progress
everything goes bang and I find I am back down at the bottom again
even my writing has stallled
i used to be able to just type away now for some reason I think too much
about things and the symetry has stoped
yes I know I am definatly not right but
am still trying

I managed to write a poem about somthing other than my feelings today so thats
a good thing
its slowly comming back but the insperation in my life is a small little spark at the moment
it needs to be a lot bigger before i can attempt to write more tangible work
so many thoughts and so jumbled want to write but my fingers freeze over the key board
get so frustrated i just switch off the computer
got to go blog dogs going mad

well Blogy This is the most writing i have done for a while so thats good
the fact that i seem to be running around at a thoudsand miles an hour is bad
the sun is out today yet i am still cold i did manage to go out for a walk with the dogs thats somthing i havent done for a while
i still keep getting this feeling of disaster around the corrner the more i try to chase it away the more it bites me on the bum
i sometimes wish i could drive car if i wernt so flippin scared of them
just to drive I guess thats why i loved my horses so much with them you can go and go
god please let me win the lotery lol
see ya later blogy

oh god blog is it just me or is everyone else going nuts
Its no wonder i am getting more paraniod when you are being told by people other than you dr that theyve noticed somthing is wrong with you
for christ sakes so i have a problem but i dont want people keep harping on about it
yes blog it is true i have been in a nut house for a while no blog i didnt try to hurt anyone just me
yes I am on medication no I am not exactly rational no I am not trying to grab attention no I dont want sympathy I just want to get this blooody god dam life over with oooopppps shouldent have said that
you never know who is reading lol sorry folks just my warped sence of humor
but I tell you somthing when you are not well its amazing how many people without meaning it tend to trat you diffrently surly if I was treated normaly persay I wouldent react with such
agression
well thats what I think
do you realise that on the 1st of march I was 48 years old blog and dispite the fact I had one of the best birthdays I have had in a long long time once he day was over the world and its worries crashed in on me
like they do still I cant have every thing can I
hmmmmm what would I do
if I could thats my ramble over for today blog cya

Yo good morning Blog well as you can see I am back on the old poetry site my writing will be rather dark I am affraid because well I havent been quite right for a while so yes unfortunatly my writing is me
if those that understand it understad it
the good thing to come from all this is I now understand what kind of person I am and let me tell you its not nice being me oh I amsure there are a lot of other people out there like me but
still its a rocky path I walk espesialy when not truly supported by the one person who should
be there yes we all have our own fears and worries but to donvey those worried on to a person who is already unstable just compounds the problem
well thats what I think see perficaly rational
oh and plese forgive the spellong at the moment
thats it for now bloggy catch ya later

well hello blog long time no see I guess, not been in a very good place since oohh lets say november still not right but feel ok enouhg to start writing again even if it turns out to be dark
I dont know where myself has gone anymore nor who I am supposed to be
dear dr wanted me in the good old nut house but no a das we call the unwell persons clinics yeh right I NOT A LOONY repeate several times and take three tablets at night
I am so glad this sight has gone from stregnth to strength ans I hope our own lavendaer lady can blossom like she only can
hey if you read this my little dark weathwr hating friend have I got a diagnosis for you lol
see me I am unique there is no one like me well not many lol
i couldent just have any old type of depresion could I oh no no manic depresive for me or psycotic delusions thankyou very much
I have wbats now call Unipolor cooolllll huh
apperently its call the smilling depresive disorder now that i belive
if you want me to go onto all details i will pm you cause I dont want you to catch it oooppps I forgot you dont catch it from a computer so why then do people insisit on sending you chocolate treats on face book cause you cant eat them either grrrrrr
spk later
this is the poeticish person signing out

Grrrrrr if bloody fireworks go on for much longer I swear I will take a torch and burn all the manufactures of the flippin things they cause so much misery for our animals
since the 1st of november all we have had every night is BANG BANG BANG
BOOM BOOM BOOM its enough to drive you insane
what with the dogs trying to climb in every dark whole or sitting shaking panting like there is no tommorow dehydrating being sick
If i was a politcian I would try to get an act passed through parliment so that fireworks could only
be used in profesional displays in big fields or private functions
but not in peoples back gardens or residential areas
as well as that I have been looking after my beautiful grandson who is now just over 5months
he is such a charmer I have never known such a contented talkative little boy
and I just love him to bits
my son wants to dye his hair red eeekkkkk
going to go to town tommorow so he can look at the colours availible
no longer is he my little boy

well today I must have had a brain storm or somthing lol
I went through the whole house like a whirlwind unfortunatly with me being so intent on tidying up
after I had finished cleaning out my sons hampster ( well you dont excpect him to do it do you)
I started hoovering and acidently caught my sons xbox 360 mic andheadphones yippps I thought
I might have got away without breaking them but no such luck so looks like I will have to buy a new set unless otherhalf can fix them
also I managed to do two lots of washing plus I did 2hrs at the shop because its so short of voulenteers and some of them let the others down by not turning up
I initaly said no when I got the phone call this morning because I had yet another drs apointment
at 3.30 but after yet another phone call I went in just before 1pm
I notice still not many are atempting the challenge
but still early days
thats it blog
see ya tommorow

Thanks for that margaret
well blog
necks a bit better now I am a little concerned that not many seem to be entering the challenge
I really hope it dosent die a death
I enjoyed the challenge thread on the mist
and whilst I am not as qualified as karen I am going to give it my best shot
maybe the challenge is wrong
well its sunday
I have sufferd 2 nights of my dogs going crazy and shaking dispite giving them tranquilzers
and its not even bonfire night oh well I excpect more tonight
and even more next week
I dont want to be a killjoy I just wish fireworks were held in big fields or at venues
rather than in residential gardens
espesialy the really loud ones that are supposedly banned
unfortunatly where we Live we do have one Neighbour who seems to like making it a misery for others she had her fireworks going on way past 10pm and some bright spark let off about ten bangers
at 4am thismorining flippin mad

Today has Been marginaly better than yesterday I have Been on the strictly come dancing home page today spent most of the day in bed lap top pluged in
and just genraly posting
got sweets in tonight for those trick or treaters just incase
ee gads its started

Ouch pulled neck muscle in absoloute agony all day
been sat down tried loads of things nothing working am going to take a couple of tablets and go to bed
bad day sorry blog

I suppose a Blog is like a diary you tell it things
today I did my stint at help the aged I volenteer once a week for 4 hrs ok so I cant do a lot
but it gets me out of the house
otherwise all I do is tidy the house do normal housework things or sit on the pc
so today the lady that runs the shop asked me if there was anyway I could do saturday mornings as well for 4 hrs now I dont do anything on a saturday because I make sure I have no washing to do or hoovering dusting ect cleaning
so again nothing to do so I being the considerate person I am said I would make sure it was ok with my other half
I told him what she had asked me and he turned round and said its up to you
so I dualy phoned the shop and said yes I could do saturday mornings
my son was downstairs at the time and asked what I was saying yes to
to which the other half replyed oh shes only giving her time to something other than us
I ask you bloody Men
thats it for now Blog

just incase you were wondering
who poeticmum is its only me Jayne Katherine Llewin
I just felt like a change of direction and as I write on other fourums under poeticmum
I thought I would use it on our new site
ok so I am trying to work out how the challenge site should go
and what not
I wish I was more computer literate but I guess eventualy I will get the hang of it
its only taken me six years so far
lol
thats it for now
pomum