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 THIS VILLANELLE

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bruce_hh



Number of posts: 4431
Age: 64
Location: Monterey, California, U.S.A.
Points: 4928
Registration date: 2008-10-22

PostSubject: THIS VILLANELLE   Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:37 am

THIS VILLANELLE

This villanelle is "into holidays."
The "holidays" keep straddling some bright fence.
"The fence" has much to do with our dismays.
Each earthly moment forms another phase
implying that we quickly must fly hence.
(This villanelle is "into holidays.")
As mortals you and I demand a raise
that lends fine thievery ample recompense.
("The fence" has much to do with our dismays.)
Unhappy as a fact-heap that must gaze
at crystal balls indicative, I'm dense.
(This villanelle is "into holidays.")
Our purposes stay swathed in purple haze
which ceaselessly repaints our cheesy bents.
("The fence" has much to do with our dismays.)
Perhaps aware how crime both plays and pays,
we welcome concepts that would add much sense.
(This villanelle is "into holidays.")
("The fence" has much to do with our dismays.)
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davidf



Number of posts: 1799
Points: 1579
Registration date: 2008-10-22

PostSubject: Re: THIS VILLANELLE   Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:32 pm

Bruce,
A good villanelle, but I think it might be easier to read with some ;line breaks between stanzas.
Your friend,
David Fox
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bruce_hh



Number of posts: 4431
Age: 64
Location: Monterey, California, U.S.A.
Points: 4928
Registration date: 2008-10-22

PostSubject: Re: THIS VILLANELLE   Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:48 am

Dear **David**: I'll ~run things together~ --
as if I were hell hewn from leather.
I meanwhile opine
that stanzas are fine
dividers of formats of weather.

Smile
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THIS VILLANELLE

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